Lonely again..

Im lonely again.. i hate being lonely. even though i hate it, i gotta get use to it. its cz Alex is gonna spend more time at sea now, and im left alone most of the time. For now its all good cz i still get to hear from him every once in a while. He'll still call me once every week, on a saturday till he get home. The more i think about it, the more i miss him. i know i shouldnt be thinking about it but i juz cnt help it. thinking of him is the only thing that im doing a lot now. hes just always on my mind. And for our holiday, we're not going to KK anymore :( im pretty sad that i have to cancel everything but i'll be going to Bandung, Indonesia in Jan with or without him. I'll be going with Sabrina. i really need a holiday. i dnt know if i'll be able to spend time with him next christmas or not, i really wanna. i really do. im juz pretty sad that i cnt go this year. Maybe meeting his parents' not the best idea but still, if im gonna marry him, i have to :D i really dnt know if i should be sad or happy, i feel sad cz we wnt get to have our holiday this year and im happy cz i get to spend christmas with him next year. but i think im mostly sad now cz i still cnt get over how much i planned for the KK trip but gotta have it cancel, i really wish we could go. i really miss him and i need a hug from him. im sure im gonna cry again when we depart from each other in Bandung. im gonna be a baby again, juz like when we were in Kuching.